Thought this was the one, and asked her for a second date, She wanted to go home with me. I told he I really don't want to move that fast, I don't' sleep around but once we got to know each other better.
She said she really couldn't' as he husband would be back from a work trip.. Um, seriously I think you might have mentioned that before accepting a date. I'm glad I didn't kiss her. I have a yearly membership as a patron so no added cost to me but still. Because of my lifestyle I have a choice between online dating and being single, at this point I'm being single. I joined a site and received hundreds of requests within two days.
I was polite and friendly to all but all I got was disgusting offers. I have tried multiple on line dating sites. I have found there is no such thing as a free dating site, If you use your credit card your asking for trouble at your bank. Women only want your bank and your comments about sex are necessarily true. Women have said to me let's f It seems to be the same for all sites. Whatever happened to just meeting in public and talking. When I suggest this, the response is I am not perfect and yes I like sex, and a lot of it. But this never makes for a relationship or to me, show the thanks or appreciation I want to give to a woman.
I want to hear her opinions, ides and thoughts. But they just want my genital size and bank account size. Nor as being innocent of their actions in seeking men. I have had some sick stuff from woman too. What do you think about all these sex sites and why so many?? If you are not looking to get laid don't go there. If you are there, don't be surprised at some of the responses. Take a look in your own mirror. I have tried several of the sites above.
Oh its great if you are some well off good looking guy. But us Joe Smoes out there get inboxes full of girls but we can't look at them until we pay up. The minute we do, suddenly no one talks to you. Online dating is for the well to do, smooth talkers, and the good looking. For guys who are genuine and respond to womens' profiles not just their pictures it would be nice to receive a reply such as, "Not feeling chemistry, but thanks for the message. The frustration of men comes from being earnest about responding thoughtfully and then getting no reply whatsoever.
These men don't reply back nastily, but just accept that there won't be a reply. But it would be nice to get a reply either way. Some of us women do write well thought out messages and the men won't respond. I wonder if these dating sites use algorithms to block matched users from seeing each other unless one of them pays up. And the longer you pay them, the fewer matches you get. I've read other comments from users who said as soon as they're about to cancel, they get better matches. Some of these end up being fake profiles created by the company or stolen accounts from previous users.
I think we're dealing with ransom level corruption with dating apps looking to turn a profit. On ok Cupid I once had a guy message me they wanted to dress up in a French maid costume and be my table. I kid you not. Interesting article but I do feel it's a bit one sided I just don't have a problem with that. For women it is a more pressing issue of safety.
Anyway, I tried Match for a year. My view is it was a total waste of money not counting the value of learning that fact.
- From Tinder to Lulu: A Guide to the Modern World of Dating Apps.
- Tinder, Lulu, and OKCupid: Your Guide to Online Dating | aqoxuhuk.tk.
I would say I'm a good guy but then again who wouldn't. For what it's worth, my experience was reading over profiles and I couldn't even guess on how many I viewed. Most of those were dreadful tripe or just plain lazy. Despite that I ended up sending about attempts to start a conversation in hopes of finding more substance. Most of these were along the lines of "Hello, I see you like art museums. Do you have a favorite artist or style? I'm a fan of impressionists and really like VanGogh. Would you care to talk a little? I deleted the income and everything but the Match solicitations ended.
I ended with a shorter summary and no income. In the end I had 4 actual responses, about 15 read notifications without response and at least 2 solicitations from Match a day. Not a good percentage to be sure. Maybe I'm just a horrible guy but if not then I have a theory about what is going on.
I'm thinking when Match started having the men pay so the women can read that the number of women with paid accounts dropped. Interesting to me that salary was a bigger driver than summary. I guess some women are just looking for a paycheck, I just didn't realize how many on Match were. Unfortunately I was trying to find a friend and partner in life.
Maybe I will someday. Hopefully my experience will help other descent guys thinking of Match. Unfortunately I still am on Match. As my subscription ended I actually found someone that was talking to me. I didn't figure it was serious but we were talking and I liked that. I tried to send alternate means of keeping the conversation going with no luck. After the subscription ended I got several notifications of messages and finally decided it was worth the cash just to keep the pen pal.
On renewing my account about 3 days I messaged her and she responded that I should renew so we could keep talking.
When I told her I already had the conversation ended and she blocked me. My suspicion is that was some form of customer retention activity but maybe I am just paranoid. At this point I have stopped messaging women. I update my profile summary periodically and wait to see if anyone has interest in me so I feel I am not aggressively seeking anything. So far nothing and I don't expect there will be any until the subscription gets close to expiring. Hopefully I finally learned my lesson on that. I love the idea of finding someone that way but it is a fairy tale from what I have seen.
Hopefully it's a fairy tale someone else gets to live. I like that idea. It's how it's been done since the dawn of man and still being done today. If you feel a computer and "profile" is some kind of required to find a truly loving relationship wishing you all the best with that attitude. I'm not saying you don't want to set yourself up, or go out to places where you could be noticed or approached.
But it also happens when your not "desperately" chasing it either like people are online. Another reason I don't favor online dating is it sets most up with this "let me look for grass that might be greener on the side" type mentality. Strong relationships are built strong, seasoned and nurtured with time and care -- there is no grass is greener on the other side. Hannah, that's exactly the type of mentality that is ruining most of relationships. You gave it a perfect name.
Yes, indeed most people are not willing to sacrifice or compromise anything for a good relationship nowadays, and always going on with that "the grass may be greener on the other side" type of mentality. Not leaning towards the troubles women go through with online dating Yes, women must be on their guard No bad women of course. I've had some success with some wonderful ladies, some are not so nice.
Either a guy gets a reply from a gal he's attracted to or "cricket" If she is attractive she has the pick of the bunch. It's a crap shoot. Not all guys are bad unfortunately bad apples can ruin many. One was a sex act, one a pic of his bowel movement. I blocked him after the texts wouldn't stop. Women please please b careful - have the long talks letting them talk more - they will tell u all u need without knowing. I never spoke about sex w this freak but he accused me of playing sex games. Terrifying that I met someone straight out a serial killer movie or criminal minds.
I hope he gets locked up. Mind u this man "seemed " normal until I stopped talking to him. I was sent 2 messages by a disappointed man in his late 60's. The messages were abusive, and scared the hell out of me!! I am no longer interested in online dating sites. Men have unrealistic expectations for women my age. And most look like serial killers.
They need to learn how to take more flattering pics of themselves. I also encountered at least 6 fraudulent male profiles. Thank you for saying this. Men need to take better care of themselves and not leave it up to the women. I think this speaks of a generation of men who are used to having their mothers wait on them hand and foot. It was like that growing up and that is the reason I'm not interested in men in their 60s.
I find that men don't even look at your profile. I have alot of specifics and they still message me. I even state that I want my race,no hook up, want long term. What I'm intrested in. Yet they always ask what do you like to do. I want to know if I have any recourse or anyone to report it to. That left me devastated. He gave me he bank account and I head the large balance he has. I looked it up online. Its a real bank. Can you take a telebanking line?
Not all guys are arrogant, self absorbed jerks wanting one night stands. So, it seems all men are thrown into the same mix of dirtbags. I've dated a lot of ladies and yes I have my standards. Who wants to settle. The gals I've dated were attractive and my ex wife was good looking. The head games played by women, empty profile or blatant ignores makes online dating a serious crapshoot.
Yeah while I have some sympathy for the douches you guys have met I still feel the need to say cry me an ocean to this article. I stopped reading at the point she said she had messages and didn't reply to any of them. Yep think about that for a second and welcome to the other side of the dating game! You know how happy I or most guys would be to have so much attention from girls on dating sites lol? Tell you what why don't you just try it from the mens side. Get a decent picture of one of your guy friends, go and read some profiles of girls you see on there, what little they put down outside of I like friends family and traveling.
Now try to send them a message about something you have in common. Then just keep a tally of every time you do that and repeat the process about times. Why times you say well because I can almost guarantee you no matter what I say she isn't going to respond. Hell I'm kind of wondering why I'm not asking women for naked pics right up front at least they get responses it would seem! Met all on Plenty of Fish: Man who dated 3 years refused to commit, I broke up.
Man who dated 6 months refused to commit, I broke up. Man who dated 3 times wanted casual sex only, he refused to spend money on dates, I stopped meeting him. Man who pressured me to move in after dating 6 weeks, couldnt get through first dissagreement , I moved out. I have met so many men online who are only interested in you until they win you over then they reject you.
Or only interested in putting you in the spot to service them sexualy while they scout around for something better, thats ridiculous. He claimed he didnt want to attend church with me as he didnt want anyone to think he is married. One agressive guy followed me out to my car once, very scarry. New flash, women dont want to sleep with strange men they just met.
You dont have sex with a stranger then try to wrap a relationship around it, you create a relationahip them top it off with sex. While I agree a healthy sex life is an important part of a relationship I was shocked at the suggestion. Most guys who just want a hook up will say so but he tried insisting he really wanted a relationship, we just had to pass the good sex test first.
Then there are the guys who say they they want to meet and "just cuddle" at your place or theirs on the first date. And can't understand why there is a list of problems with this. You want to do more than just cuddle, so just say that in your profile rather than wasting a girls time. And I'm never ever going to have someone come to my place or go to their place for a first date. I've been currently using dating sites again and right now its a living hell for me. I agree with the guy below that being alone for the past decade for me has been quite maddening.
I'm a 39 year old male that lives alone in a 2 bedroom apartment, and I've never had kids. Getting severe bouts of depression every once in while and some very emotionally crushing anguish about what could have been. And the worst part is It lasted almost 4 years and was very serious that we wanted to get married. Something just clicked once we got to know each other better. And unfortunately we ended up mutually agreeing to break up due to some extremely horrible external pressure and didn't want to see each other suffer.
Nobody cheated, nobody hated the other, and it wasn't an issue with our families. Thank you economic "recession". She even wanted to find a job to keep us afloat, but due to our situation it wouldn't have been good for her being a foreign national not legally registered to work. She recently got in touch with me again after 10 years to catch up and see how I was doing.
If it weren't for the fact that her life has advanced much more than mine, it would have been no trouble for us to get back together. I'm not getting anywhere involved with her again except on a friendship basis. Her husband is providing her with the life I wanted to, and she has the family life that we could have had. And I refuse to be involved romantically at all. The time has passed, and the clock cannot be turned back.
It's been hard as hell trying to find that kind of loving and understanding relationship again. I'm not expecting the same exact thing as what I had My recent experiences on the dating website I use has been pretty pathetic. I received one direct response from what appears to have been a scammer, as their profile has been removed within a day of being put up. I've only gotten 2 smiles one from the scammer.
The one reply I received from a woman I wrote, apparently she was looking for sexual relationship only. I didn't entertain that idea any further and informed her of a site she could use to satisfy her needs if she wasn't looking for natural dating. Another woman responded to a message I initiated and while this one seemed normal I'm worried that I as a man looking for a real relationship that results in marriage, I will end dying childless. My mother hasn't been much help as she believes that for some reason I should be able to have children when I'm I calculated my life expectancy and I told her I needed to at least no later than my early 40s as there would be another 20 years to raise a child into reasonable adulthood and not be so old when and if there may be grandchildren I'll still be able to function.
No response is equal to "maybe she didn't read it or get to see it" in guy logic. Men do have more competition than women. I want to ask women Or even better yet.
I've sent 39 messages in the past 3 weeks alone and only got 2 legitimate responses. I have been on on line dating for just over a year. Unfortunately no luck so far. I have met a couple of scammers and thankfully caught on before investing too much time. I am a bit older 53 very secure and confident. I consider myself a decent, good looking woman who is fit with just a few extra pounds. In the past year I have sent messages at least men and gotten 0 responses back. I have received a lot of messages asking to " hook up" etc I have been ghosted by 3 of them when I thought the conversations were going well I have learned to listen to those little red flags that 20 years ago I would have ignored.
Yes I have had the messages straight up about sex but I just ignore those I get interests from guys that live thousands of miles away even though I clearly state I am not interested in a long distance relationship. The guys I message are ones who's profiles interest me and who I see some common interests. But as I said before, I rarely get an answer. It leaves me wondering just what are they looking for and perhaps I am just not "hot" enough for them. That's ok, I am still happy, still me, still single, just a bit perplexed but I have not given up.
I was on the dating site OkCupid. I met this Australian man who profile name was Ayapi. He was asking for sex in two minutes of talking to me. He also was on Plenty Of Fish. He have a sex website online with a lot of nude women. He was trying to get me to take nude pictures and videos.
I met other scammers on OkCupid as well. One went to jail for scamming people out of money. They don't care who use their site. It's a danger for the women and for some men. Online dating has NEVER worked for me, even when I was serious about it I was meeting the guys who were serial daters and not looking for a relationship or con artist or scammers who were looking to mooch off of a women and then of course the perverted guys that were looking to hook up, they made it known immediately what they wanted to do with you sexually. It sucked to me. I'm happy for the people who go on to find real relationships from these sites, I've had zero luck.
I'm not surprised at your results. The men weren't feisty with your profile because it's not what they are lusting after. Men are only angry at profiles of the trophy girls who respond with iciness, insults or silence. She must be thin, usually blonde with light eyes, primarily Caucasian. Use that profile pic and you'll see the firestorm of interest. With the chick you used the men will only be nice because they're not ego invested in her at all. Also you didn't turn any of the men down to get a response.
So you didn't give them a reason to invest in you. Just wait until you turn guys down as a blonde. That's when you better put up your photon force fields. All those blogs you read of women being confronted with nasty emails are basically white chicks bragging that they are the coveted princesses in this country. They have a litany of suitors after them who see them as dating status symbols and they set up blogs basically to complain to the world that the population of men isn't picture perfect like in a Maxim magazine.
The white chicks are so used to the endless attention they make a sport of rejecting these guys or luring the guys on with empty promises for fun. It's this random chaos and disrespect the men deal with when pursuing their dream girls that is the source of all online vitriol. So when the girls turn these guys down they get revenge emails like balls of fire. Your chick is just a boring safe brunette so who cares what she does? The chick you put up isn't anyone's idea of a girlfriend, more like a one night stand. That's why you got no controversy from her.
I've only used okcupid. A woman, 29 years old, been on for 6 months. My experience is not very pleasant as well. I find it strange, that so many men here say, that they are looking for a relationship. Yes, its true, that most women get lots of attention, but that doesn't mean anything. All girls that i know, want to find an actual boyfriend, and hopefully, eventually, someone to move in with, get married, have kids etc. But the vast majority of the guys just want to "chill and netflix".
Sometimes, i feel like women are a bit more honest. If we don't respond, we are not interted - that's it. Sorry, we can't be interested in every single person that messages us. Sometimes, there might be nothing wrong with you, but we all have our types and dealbreakers. I keep finding guys who seem interested in me, but whenever things get too serious for their liking, they run away like crazy. I'd rarher be ignored, than led on till i start developing feelings just to have my heart broken. I'm not even talking about numerous people asking if i want to come to their place tonight or if i want to be their slave or want them to be my slave or if i'm into oral sex right of the bat.
I'd rather see that and just block them, than meeting someone who seems nice and genuine, and then to find out they are just players, use me or just not ready for a relationship. I haven't had chemistry with most of the people I met, so we never went on the 2nd date. But here are 3 guys, that i thought we were getting somewhere with, and they all left me heartbroken:. The first guy i met was ok. I was recently out of a 5 year relationship, he was out of a long relationship too. We had too many drinks and ended up having sex pretty fast. I thought he'd think i'm way too easy and will never talk to me again.
Instead, we started seeing each other regularly. I wasn't that much into him, but i was still not recovered from my past relationship and, i guess, wanted to have someone there for me. He was in a similar position, so it all seemed to be working well. Eventually, he started treating me better and better.
We never talked about being exclusive, defining our relationship, yet we'd spend lots of time together, we'd go out, hold hands, kiss and make out in public with no problem, he was making me dinners, help with manly stuff around the house etc. So i have slowly started falling for him. I even made a house party once, and invited him, and he came and met all of my friends. It lasted for about a month. One day i was driving, and saw him walking and holding hands with another girl and we live in a big city and not in the same area.
What are the chances? I confronted him about it later, and he said how he never said he wanted a relationship, he is just out of one, and he enjoys his time with me, but he is not ready for a new one and wants to see what's out there. I didn't like the 2nd guy i met right away. He wasn't physically attractive to me, but he was really funny and interesting to talk to. I would have loved him to be my friend if we haven't met on the dating website.
He kept asking me out. I decided to go out with him a few more times, just because he was fun to be around, but never felt any chemistry. Even felt bad for leading him on, but kept seeing other guys. He started pursing me like crazy, he was very very nice to me, so eventually i have started liking him. I have enjoyed being treated like a princess and thought to myself "wow, this guy is really nice and is really into me, who else would treat me like that?
And i decided to give it a chance and started developing feelings too. After 2 months, we were hanging out one evening, and he started going on and on about how he can't believe that he met someone so amazing online, how he did't expect this to happen, how he is sick of online dating and doesn't wanna see anyone else. So we talked and decided to make it serious and delete our profiles in front of each other.
So all was great, no problems, fights or other issues. Again, why start and waste 2 months of my life? The last guy, was actually the first one i have liked instantly. I wasn't expecting that, but i really liked him the moment i met him. He seemed interested too. He complained to me about online dating from male point of view, how most of the women he met are boring. He is highly educated and is very picky about intelligence of women he dates, and he said he was amazed by me, because he felt it was so easy to talk to me right away, i'm smart and attractive.
He was asking me out every days which was unusual and it told me he is really into me. He was also very nice to me and we could talk forever. He has to wake up early for work, but we were still talking and making out till late when we saw each other. After 3 weeks, i had crazy feelings for him, and he seemed to have too. He canceled one of the dates for seemingly legit reason.
I was cool about it, and told him that its ok, and we can see each other some other time. After that, he became very distant. Disappeared for a few days, then messaged again apologizing telling me about the problems he had. Then he would just randomly message me every few days, but never offered to go out again. And eventually just stopped messaging me. I think men and women gave different problems with online dating, but we ha e it equally hard.
Guys don't get responses, women find players. I completely agree with what a lot of men are saying. I was married 30 years only to be violently attacked by an alcoholic wife. I set myself out there and the women just play games. They say stupid things and just look for attention. I'm seriously disappointed in what appears to be the feminist movement in this country.
They try to use their sexual prowess instead of their intelligence, which most are seriously lacking, and again, play games. They are not serious and don't care about a good relationship. I'm sure it's true there are a lot of men jerks but we are all stereotyped that way. Please be ladies OK? Have some respect for the opposite sex and if you're not serious just stay the heck away all right?
There are good men like me out there. And you ladies that look so good in your photographs are just absolutely narcissistic and hideous with the way you speak to us. Please get over yourselves and take your meaningless time wasting profiles down and go gaggle in the mirror at yourself. It's really too bad. I have been giving this a good shot for months and actually have made a few good friends but have run into so many Queen bees that I am ready to give up.
It is really is a waste of money and time. Every review that I read about online dating is a bad one. The whole industry is sickening; praying on the people that yearn to love and be happy only to let them down. In one state in Australia where I live I've found it even more difficult to meet a good, down-to-earth woman online.
I don't put women on pedestal, had my fair share of relatioships but I"m also shy and busy so i'd really like to see some online dating work. I'm in no rush, but why can't I just find a healthy smart woman who is NOT self-obsessed, for some good online conversation?? At least most guys get some kind of comment. I was on four different popular sites in the last few years I got only a wink or very short text and just one. Met only one woman at a car show for two hours then she got a call and had to get going.
I'm real shy too but I feel I sent out some really good icebreaker messages, I put a lot of thought into them, to always sound upbeat and funny. But never got any comment, not even a thanks but no thanks, seems like they don't even get them, but the scammers sure answer quick with a too good to be true letter and great pictures. I was married for fourteen years and divorced for eleven.
Was her idea for the split, shes remarried a few years I can't even get a date yet. Think she put a curse on me lol. Can't believe so many people jump in bed on the first date, both sexes. It's that kind of life style that hurts so many people,that nobody trust anybody anymore and I can't say that I blame them. Which I've never done before, maybe this will work, who ever reads this might know of somebody through the grape vine. I know there's good ones out there I just read some of there letters here.
There's too many bad ones out there in the way of us good one's. I Know this is a little off the wall but I'll give it a shot. If there's any good one's out there please I'd love to meet you. I'm trying something different, by, bypassing all the dating services. Because, really from the comments I've read about all these dating sites. There's a lot of unhappy people out there, wish they'd quit playing games and say what they really think, that's what I try to do.
The same pigs have shown up on all of the dating apps I have used. I originally started with plenty of fish, where I met two very good long-term friends, but no romantic chemistry. The majority of the other users were soliciting inappropriate photos and sending them as well. A few mentally unstable messages followed rejections. There are just as many people looking for hook ups on match. Disappointing as to what society has become. I don't agree entirely with this article.. I use dating sites and am smart using them, as a result I don't get harassed.
If the woman is smart and secure of herself instead of making it easy for the man it would make dating for a female easier. A lot of women are Insecure of themselves and a man can sense that, if I get a sexualized message instead of being afraid I just message back and say"you're disgusting best of luck. Just saying an insecure woman who acts fearful is more bound to be harassed on these sites. I've also met and dated plenty of men from free dating sites that are seeking a commitment, don't assume ALL men only want a hookup that's not at all true.
More so want Casual stuff but if you spend enough time online you'll meet decent men that want a relationship. I had 2 boyfriends come from OkCupid, there are good ones online too. Don't make yourself vulnerable and easy for the men! Nail very much hit on the head. Online dating for girls that are decent and offline for that matter requires work and a combination of common sense, good judgement and patience.
Same thing for decent guys going online - it requires work and there are guides out there that go a bit further than the generic "read her profile" advice given here if guys looked hard enough for them and that easily help them stand out. I think the problem is these days people are more desperate than ever for a quick fix and dismiss new ideas if they don't see sparks flying first go. I saw similar things in college where most my friends got brutally negative, generic and uninformed advice particularly if parents had no clue about their field if they hadn't gotten a job within 1 week of graduation.
You cant seriously sitt there and say honestly that women have dating harder than men. I mean seriously, is that honestly what you think? You watch as your sanity melts away from the slow burning tourture of loanliness, you would go mad, anyone would. It amazes me how selfish women are, it really does, id love to give you all my pain just for one day sso you would understand the utter hopless misery that men have to face!
I hate this life i just want to die. I just cant beleive any woman would sit there and say she has it harder than men. You have no idea what decades of blanket rejections and loanliness would do to you, it would kill you, its true hell. Yeah obviously easier for women. Men have to work hard even to get validation from girls while women have men blowing up their phones boosting their ego by chasing them. Guys be happy with even unwanted attention from opposite sex. Women can't make up their minds because of all their o ptions. While men don't have nearly the same amount of options or experience.
They can get attention and sex easily while guy gets neither easily cuz he has to compete for it. Competing, chasing and getting rejected can be so discouraging that you question if it's worth it if girls are so narcissistic and dismissive to guys' advances. Women never deal with rejection the way guys do. They never put themselves in that position and so they are constantly avoiding rejection and receiving positive attention from guys chasing them. Why sex so "creepy? Means guy attracted to you.
Take it as a compliment. Why society berate the guy for being a man?!
You put up a pic, put little work into your profile, and yet expect so much from the guys who contact you? You even admit you receive nice messages, but refuse to even acknowledge such guys? Not even a simple thank you back? What does that say about you?? Congrats on the ego stroke, but I'm not taking the bait. Lot of guys of looking for someone to actually date, and you aren't that person. Your advice simply does not apply. Lots of good n bad on it. As soon as i read your name i knew you were an Aussie, i agree with your sentiments regarding dating sites, they're about as barren as some pubs are these days I was recently scammed on Match.
There have been class action suits against Match for portraying themselves with 15 million users when only a million are paid subscribers and the rest contain a lot of scam artists looking to relieve you of your cash. The whole site is a scam in the sense they want to auto renew your subscription which is hard to stop once you sign up. I wonder if any of the people on the site are real at all! It is and some are, had a bunch of dates on there before I met my girlfriend who we now live together and have a beautiful baby boy with Where as in the real world it is harder for men to key in on victims.
You just have to be more careful use an extra screening process and not take things so personal knowing it is a numbes game and nothing that is exceptional should be expected or necessarily easy to obtain Just like life if you want something special sometimes it takes hard work! I think I'm being scammed. I put a report with the fbi a month ago.
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I'm waiting for them to respond. I'm keeping him on the hook until I hear from the agency. So they can take over and catch him. I've been asked for money. His company name I have researched. It's a generic website and the addresses I looked up for his offices show no record of his company ever being there. Lease records and such. He has an Enflick voip number, but his last picture looks like a location of what he's stated.
I can't find evidence his pictures are reposts of someone else. How do I proceed safely until the authorities arrive? I am a good looking guy not a model will not say that not arrogant but 5'10 and pounds. Last time l was online dating was about 10 years ago meet my ex wife and the mom of our daughter through lavalife. This time I find pof a total waste of time I am a gold member but our of couple of dozens ladies I contacted 1 only replied back and she told me you are a really nice man and wish you best of luck but just started to date a man.
I am only 40, leave in greater Vancouver, bc have a good job and rent a 2 bedroom place on my own plus drive a suv. It seems maybe wrong that the idiot men have flooded the ladies to Mt he point they tune out even great men or that many sadly l suspect accounts on pof now are fake. Either way l am at the point of giving up and l am sure l was not the first or last normal nice man to reach this point due to no ladies replying back at all. Dont give up fella, just work harder and lower expectations of how quickly results should come I've been doing online dating for only a few months seriously.
Anyway, what I am seeing is a growing disconnect and a lot of people getting disgruntled. I have to admit I was too in the beginning. I think it is because one develops expectations based on statistics instead of reality. I thought, at first, "wow, so many women to see who I really am"! Statistically speaking, I should get a few responses. So I start examining the numbers game and thought I could play a little with it.
I want to be strategic about this, right? I try to throw in a little humor if I can, but my first message, if there is something in her profile, ALWAYS contains at least one if not a few references to hers. I write in complete sentences and try to seek ways to spark a conversation. I make no lewd comments whatsoever. I don't even reference anything about looks except once and that was a weak moment on my part since she her picture affected me that way, plus it was an experiment to see if venturing there yielded anything different. I also try to not be unrealistic as far as types of women I try to engage.
I am 52, 6' 2", a little under lbs, no paunch, somewhat athletic and active, and I feel I am decent looking but have no idea how to quantify that. After reading about how to write a profile, I feel I've written a strategically thorough yet somewhat concise one. I will say that overall, I am an eclectic type that's hard to describe very thoroughly: I am personally open to a wide variety of situations, but I feel most women want some kind of commitment.
I don't game because I haven't dated in almost thirty years. I had been married for about 27 years and now divorced for a year. So I am not even sure what this "game" they keep talking about really is, although I have an idea. Whatever it is, I would certainly abide by the wishes and expectations of whomever I want to see and date. What are you doing? If I try to go deeper at all, they either disappear or keep repeating themselves probably catfishers since other things about their profiles make their seeking me unrealistic.
Then, I have had a couple go a few sentences longer, but almost all have ended. Unfortunately, one had a legitimate mental disorder from traumatic brain injury. I tried to make this one work, but we just could never connect. One other one is so far away, I am still seeing where it goes. But so far, at best we'll be friends and no dates unless I travel over miles to another country. I've sent dozens of messages not hundreds yet , along with "winks" do these even work?
I am paid on POF so I can see where a ton aren't read. A few read, some read then deleted and some deleted outright. I respect the deleted ones, so I don't even bother. A few of those were probably out of my league anyway I was too old, or they were way more active or maybe interests didn't match. I had hoped that I would have gotten a little more response out of the others, especially ones who were mutual "meet me" that POF has.
But even that didn't garner a response. So then I don't know if sending more messages is expected, tacky, pestering, or what. I feel like I need to based on what some women seem to be saying because mine are probably getting lost in the shuffle and I need to work at keeping myself visible. So, in my disappointment, I have been researching what is really going on. I've found many posts like this about what women "deal with". And I find it interesting how they have the opposite challenge most of the time. And I was honestly surprised at how jaded they get, but I don't blame them because of all these goofball, creepy, lewd, stalker responses they get.
Now I see a dilemma. The nice guys, of which I consider myself right at the center of not so nice that I would be boring, but definitely nice enough to be respectful of a woman and her boundaries and that no means no , can't get responses let alone dates. The nice women seem to get nothing but tons of messages to try to wade through. Who knows where all the drain and noise is coming from, though we know the sources such as scammers, desperate loser types, stalkers, catfishers, etc. And there doesn't seem to be too much that can be done about limiting that.
However, if we are aware of it, we can do things to try to counter it. It also seems that we need to become more strategic and not so bitter about how to approach all of this. I see where a bridge needs to be built here somehow. Maybe the nice guys need to be recognized more somehow by getting in kind responses from women. If you get a nice initial message, at least say no thank you and even a brief idea of how good the message was.
Us guys get no clue whether we are sending out the right message or not. It would even be nice to get some kind of rating system going like eBay or something. This weird limbo of never knowing if it was the message, the profile, the pictures or if who we messaged is overwhelmed is really tough to deal with. It would also be nice to have women realize that if they are getting decent if not outright nice messages more than once from a guy, that these guys are just trying to stay on top of the crap that that woman is otherwise getting; that they aren't stalking or pestering, they are just wondering if they are getting heard at all.
I don't know what to do about the jerks. I think a lower percentage of guys that are like this are out there. But for some reason these idiots are taking up all of the dating bandwidth. And about the only thing I can see nice guys who really want this to work bringing to the table is to just not get bitter and disappointed. I don't know, it is really hard to see how to break this cycle that is destroying online dating for the majority of us. It would be helpful to know that possibly a new kind etiquette be understood by women that repeat messages that are nice should be acceptable and that we men kindly engage them with these; that we get a chance to overcome the idiots by countering them somehow.
Also, maybe people could work up some kind of meta-dating situation something like responding to websites about online dating or, as I said above, some kind of rating system? For me, online dating is about my only hope of meeting anyone. I am not religious nor do I drink, even coffee it puts me to sleep. I have food allergies and sensitivities. I work online from home. As a result, I don't go to any place of worship, I don't club or do bars, I can't eat at any restaurants, and I don't have a work environment with other people.
I actually have very few friends despite my best efforts. I keep running across so many people with involved lives of which I am just not a part including my family. So, online is the only place I can even think about meeting people. I go for walks in the park, to the library, and around downtown.
What also challenges me is that I am fairly introverted.
On top of all this being much older, I have not the foggiest idea on how to hit up a conversation with a woman I've never met before. I didn't when I was twenty I met my former wife through very unusual circumstances involving an acquaintance and what little dating I did then I did all though people I knew. How am I going to do it at over fifty and not seem weird? Another approach I am trying is to get involved with community events and groups. But once again, very few, if any women attend what I tend to go to, let alone any who are in my age group and meet other modest criteria, none having to do with "looks".
For instance, I go to a drum circle the only one within 30 miles of me. Of available women who show up a few unavailable do , it is pretty much just one in her 80s along with over twenty guys. Women tend to do things like Zumba, dance, yoga or other exercise classes where if I showed up, it would be creepy since it will be assumed I am there for only one reason. I would love it if I would be accepted as a drummer for belly or tribal dance, but alas, the same creep factor seems to be at play.
Well, I could probably say more, but I hope to start a conversation about what can really be done about this issue and not just complaining about it. I would really like to overcome the disconnect with what is happening between guys and gals and to renew proper expectations.
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